Loss and Gain: Bilbo Baggins

A brilliant description of loss and gain happened to Bilbo Baggins in the Hobbit by JRR Tolkien:

"The Bagginses have lived in the neighbourhood of The Hill ... and people considered them very respectable, ... because they never had any adventures or did anything unexpected ... This is a story of how a Baggins had an adventure, and found himself doing and saying things altogether unexpected. He may have lost the neighbours' respect, but he gained -- well, you will see whether he gained anything in the end."

Terribly ordinary

"terribly ordinary", is that a good thing?

On a terribly ordinary day, something good or bad happen to someone. If it is a good thing, we often think that this is not a terribly ordinary day, it is a special day. If it is a bad thing, we often think why such calamity happens on such a terribly ordinary day.

Reading experiences

Three men sitting on a three-row seat on a train heading to a city on a working day

The first man was reading something on his iPad

The second man was reading his paper newspaper

The third man was reading his paperback

Will they have the same reading experience?

Identity sculpting

Many of us use life experiences to actively sculpt our identity. We use both good and bad life experiences to actively construct "who we are". Leading scholars in this area, Eviatar Zerubavel and Christena Nippert-Eng, believe that identity construction is an active as well as a creative process.

As a result, we sometimes think of "life journey" as an act of searching, finding, discovering a bit more about ourselves. At certain times, we cannot help but wonder whether we will ever find a place where we belong.

For example, this news article from NPR tells a story about a struggle of native American kids who spent time in foster homes removed from their Indian heritage.

Here is a quote from the story that may be worth reflecting:

"... the only difference between running away and running home is whether or not you're running in the direction you belong."

Future with no future experience

So many of our experiences deal with outcomes and expectation of a bright future. For example, we talk about education in a sense of its outcomes (skills, jobs, a better life). Another example is child raising.

But what to do when there is no future waiting at the end of these experiences. Emily Rapp recently wrote in the New York Times sharing her experience raising her son who has Tay-Sachs disease. Her son is 18 months old and very unlikely to live beyond his 3rd birthday. Here is the link to the full article.

She writes in a brave voice. She tells us that, at the end of the day, the best that you can do is living in the moment. In her case, loving her son in today moment and letting him go when the time comes. That is all you can do.

Who am I?

One of the highlights from Kung Fu Panda 2 is the pondering from Po, the panda, on the question "Who am I?"

I think all of us, at one point or another, may have a similar question popped up in our head. We often let some past experiences define who we are.

According to Kung Fu Panda 2, we cannot go back and change the past regardless of how much we may want to. Of course, the past may leave scars. But scars do fade.

Experience and actions

"We should draw from our direct experience (good or bad), reflect on it, and finally use it to help us become a better person."

Anonymous

Collective failure: University Experiences and Progress

The two authors of the book "Academically Adrift: Limited Learning on College Campuses" who found that college students do not learn much from their 4-year college experiences. In other words, there was little improvement in students' critical thinking, complex reasoning, and writing skills.

Here is their challenge to university faculty and administrators in their recent New York Times OpEd:

"Most of all, we hope that during this commencement season, our faculty colleagues will pause to consider the state of undergraduate learning and our collective responsibility to increase academic rigor on our campuses."

Very critical question indeed.

Experience, competency, decision

I found the answer from the Dalai Lama when he was asked to open a discussion on peace in the family to be profound and should be deeply reflected and applied in the context of everyday individual and collective lives.

His answer was "I have no experience".

That is an important point to show that we may not be able to offer well founded opinions when we do not have direct experience on the subject matters.

Loneliness

"It's like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction--everyone second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it's really you getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier, rushing away from all those lights and the excitement at about a million miles an hour."

From The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath

Horns and Cape (Collaborative version)

I have posted two versions of this story earlier, one is a concise version and another is an extended version. In this post, I am going to put out another version that extends from the extended version. This time, the extension comes from a very very dear friend.

Here again "Horns and Cape, the collaborative version"

One day, a creature woke up with two (ugly) horns growing on its head. Why in the world did someone do this to me?, the creature wondered. I was given two ugly horns on my head and the tribe leader said I can no longer live here. "Go find a new habitat." That is the command given to me.

Broken hearted, confused, depressed, the creature had no choice but to do what it was told (all in the while with two shiny ugly horns on its head.) The creature aimlessly walked, walked, and walked until it came across another promising habitat. It talked to the caretaker and the first thing the caretaker said is: "Why in the world did you have those two ugly horns on your head?" Although the creature wishes that nobody would notice the two ugly horns, the creature was compelled to be honest and answer the question. It said "I was told that I have not contributed enough to the tribe and I have not carried independent tribe building activities." "But look, I listed all the wonderful things I have done at that tribe ... look please and you will see that I am a good creature and worthy bringing in to your tribe."

Despite the begs and pleas, the caretaker finally said "No, I don't think I can. With those two ugly horns on your head, we will not be able to take you in." The creature sank deeper into its sorrow and helplessness. What if I cannot find a new habitat? What will happen to me?

Months have passed .... One day, the creature fell asleep under a big banyan tree. This time, it woke up with a beautiful cape with magical power growing on its back. The creature thought to itself... "Wow, I have been given magical power. I hope everybody can see it."

It looks around to see if there are other creatures around so it can show off its wonderful cape. Unfortunately, no one was around. So, it decided to take a walk. It came across one old creature resting near a big rock. The creature excitedly approached the old creature and asked: "Do you see the wonderful cape I have on my back?" The old creature replied "What cape? I only see your two shiny ugly horns on your head."

A creature is confused ... Has it become an ugly creature that nobody wants to welcome? OR Has it become a great creature with magical power to change the world?

What should it think of itself now?

The story continued ...

The caped creature roamed far and wide, crossing land and sea to find a habitat that could see the magical cape. One day, finally willing to risk sharing itself with another being, the creature approached the caretaker of a lovely, green habitat. “Look how I have contributed to the tribe that I came from. See my cape that gives me magical powers. And, please, I beg of you, do not mind my horns,” the creature said.

The caretaker looked at the creature with compassion and understanding and responded, “What you call horns are scars that every creature endures. Some creatures have horns; others have humps; still others have beards. In this land, we look upon such scars as building character—in much the same way that your cape builds character. Neither one is who you are, but they both contribute to who you will become. I sense great beauty and great potential inside you. I welcome you to leave your cape behind, and join us in this habitat.”

The creature has a choice to make. . . To believe in the power of the horns and the cape or to believe in its own power to forgive, to trust, and to shine?

Horns and Cape (Extended version)

One day, a creature woke up with two (ugly) horns growing on its head. Why in the world did someone do this to me?, the creature wondered. I was given two ugly horns on my head and the tribe leader said I can no longer live here. "Go find a new habitat." That is the command given to me.

Broken hearted, confused, depressed, the creature had no choice but to do what it was told (all in the while with two shiny ugly horns on its head.) The creature aimlessly walked, walked, and walked until it came across another promising habitat. It talked to the caretaker and the first thing the caretaker said is: "Why in the world did you have those two ugly horns on your head?" Although the creature wishes that nobody would notice the two ugly horns, the creature was compelled to be honest and answer the question. It said "I was told that I have not contributed enough to the tribe and I have not carried independent tribe building activities." "But look, I listed all the wonderful things I have done at that tribe ... look please and you will see that I am a good creature and worthy bringing in to your tribe."

Despite the begs and pleas, the caretaker finally said "No, I don't think I can. With those two ugly horns on your head, we will not be able to take you in." The creature sank deeper into its sorrow and helplessness. What if I cannot find a new habitat? What will happen to me?

Months have passed .... One day, the creature fell asleep under a big banyan tree. This time, it woke up with a beautiful cape with magical power growing on its back. The creature thought to itself... "Wow, I have been given magical power. I hope everybody can see it."

It looks around to see if there are other creatures around so it can show off its wonderful cape. Unfortunately, no one was around. So, it decided to take a walk. It came across one old creature resting near a big rock. The creature excitedly approached the old creature and asked: "Do you see the wonderful cape I have on my back?" The old creature replied "What cape? I only see your two shiny ugly horns on your head."

A creature is confused ... Has it become an ugly creature that nobody wants to welcome? OR Has it become a great creature with magical power to change the world?

What should it think of itself now?

A boy and a red balloon

We often hear a story of a kid and a balloon told from a kid's perspective. Now, let's hear it from a different voice, a balloon.

A red balloon is happy because finally it finds an owner, a nice little boy
A red balloon accompanies the boy everywhere he goes ... just following along, bubbly and happy

After a few days ....
A red balloon finds that it has become smaller, less shiny, and full of wrinkles
Before long, a boy did the unthinkable ... letting go of the red balloon
A red balloon is lost, scared, sad, confused ... It wonders where that nice little boy goes?

Aristotle

Some words of wisdom from Aristotle:

• Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.
  

• "Eudaimonia" -- Humans can attain eudaimonia by fulfilling their potential.
  

Words of wisdom from Dr. Seuss

I am re-reading words from "Oh! The Places You'll Go" again. Here are the words/phrases/sentences that jump out to me:

• You'll look up and down streets. Look'em over with care. About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there." With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down a not-so-good street.
• You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly-perch. And your gang will fly on. You'll be left in a Lurch.
  
• You'll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you'll be in a Slump.
• And when you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
• The Waiting Place ... for people just waiting.
• Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.
• Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So .... get on your way!
  

Judgment

Jeff Zucker was quoted as saying "At the end of the day, the viewers voted." And they didn't like Conan as the host of the Tonight Show.

Conan O'Brien: In my opinion, I don't think that's fair or accurate. But he's entitled to his opinion. I think for anyone to say that the results were in after six months-- that doesn't ring true to me.

Conan O'Brien's 60 minutes interview with Steve Kroft

Will amazing things happen to kind people?

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.

Conan O'Brien's Farewell Speech, The Tonight Show

Making sense of life experiences

"I left the cocoon of Harvard, I left the cocoon of Saturday Night Live, I left the cocoon of the Simpsons. And each time it was bruising and tumultuous. And yet every failure was freeing, and today I'm as nostalgic for the bad as I am for the good. So that's what I wish for all of you--the bad as well as the good. Fall down. Make a mess. Break something occasionally. Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you need to be. And remember that the story is never over."
Conan O'Brien's Speech to the Harvard Class of 2000